


Come Dance With Me In The Stars, My Dear

by Cas_tellations



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, WOW I WROTE THIS IN LIKE A DAY WTF AM I DOING, bonus points if you find the issues, hi hi hello it'd mean alot if you like this, i wrote about some mightily personal issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 13:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9275018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_tellations/pseuds/Cas_tellations
Summary: i.They’re sixteen and nineteen. Phil presses close to Dan, feeling Dan’s hands come up to grip gently on Phil’s hips, giggling softly when Phil laces his fingers behind Dan’s neck, swaying softly from side to side. It’s late and they’re drunk. The party is busy, but they’re upstairs, locked away in someone’s bedroom. The thumping music floating up the stairs is dulled ever so slightly by Phil’s iPod, playing the softest music possible Dan thinks it’s ed sheeran but isn’t focusing on it enough to tell for sure.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hi this actually means alot to me so it'd be nice if you were nice about it in the nice comments and nice kudos okay pls & thank

_Come dance with me in the stars, my dear._

 

 

 

 

_i._

 

They’re sixteen and nineteen. Phil presses close to Dan, feeling Dan’s hands come up to grip gently on Phil’s hips, giggling softly when Phil laces his fingers behind Dan’s neck, swaying softly from side to side. It’s late and they’re drunk. The party is busy, but they’re upstairs, locked away in someone’s bedroom. The thumping music floating up the stairs is dulled ever so slightly by Phil’s iPod, playing the softest music possible Dan thinks it’s ed sheeran but isn’t focusing on it enough to tell for sure. Phil’s lips are so close to Dan’s. He wants to know what they taste like but he’s too scared because this is _Phil._ Phil’s tall and pretty and smart and kind all at the same time. He’s so much better than Dan. But Phil’s lips are still pink and soft and being scared doesn’t stop Dan from aching to taste the older boy. But he can’t so Dan just leans far enough forwards to rest his forehead against Phil’s collarbone, numbly feeling one of Phil’s hands move away from Dan’s neck and trace circles into his back instead.

 

_ii._

 

They’re eighteen and twenty-one. Phil’s lips are on his and Dan decides that he likes the way they taste. Like starlight, soft but hot and strong all at the same time. It’s gentle, Phil’s hands sliding up the back of Dan’s shirt, and Dan’s hands in fists; balled up in the front of Phil’s faded T-shirt. They’re tipsy, but far from drunk. When they break away from each other, their faces have matching smiles on them. Dan’s giggling and his dimple is so prominent that Phil can’t help but to lean forwards and press a chaste kiss against it. Dan is blushing, looking down at his feet.

 

_iii._

 

They’re nineteen and twenty-two. Dan’s breathing hard, his head tucked in between his knees, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, trying not to let his sobs escaped his chest. His phone is lying on the ground to his right, a few feet away from the door. It’s screen is cracked, like he had thrown it against the wall in a fit of anger. His face is blotched over with red, silent tears streaming down his face uncontrollably. He’s mad. He’s mad and can’t calm down. His knees are shaking. His fingers are trembling. He had so much energy, but the energy is only channeling itself into anger. He needs to stay quiet so that his parents don’t knock on the door to see if he’s okay. He’s not okay. He feels like there’s some kind of monster inside of him that won’t go away.

 

_iv._

 

They’re twenty and twenty-three. Phil’s telling Dan that he needs to get help. He hates how Dan gets angry at the littlest things, and then stays angry for the rest of the day. Or night. Or week. Or month. He wants Dan to be happy and calm again, but Dan doesn’t know if that’s possible. But he said he’d try. He’d try to get a therapist and maybe get some medication.  He’d try to keep his temper under control.

 

_v._

 

They’re twenty-one and twenty-four. Phil’s yelling at Dan about something -the main subject of the argument had left a long time ago- Dan’s eyes are welling up with tears and his hands are balled into fists. He’s trying to stop shaking but it’s hard and he doesn’t know how much longer he can stay silent for. He’s trying to breath but it feels like his throat is being closed off and all he wants to do is fucking slap Phil upside the head. But he can’t do that. He can’t do _anything._ Phil runs a hand through his hair, the shouting ceasing as he fights to catch his breath. He mutters something about maybe how they should just be friends. Dan breaks down easily, The tears in his eyes are streaming down his face and a choked sob escapes his chest. He’s not even mad, he’s just… empty. Like part of him was suddenly gone. But Phil wasn’t a physical part of him so this shouldn’t be happening and fucking hell he can’t breath. Phil looks to be in a quite similar state of distress, but he’s better at covering it up. Dan’s raw emotion, whilst Phil contains his feelings.

 

_vi._

 

They’re twenty-three and twenty-six. They both feel alone. Not only just because they’re void of each other -and have been, for quite a while-, but because they’ve isolated themselves from the people around them. Phil buries himself in work, whilst Dan is overcome with school. They haven’t talked since the fight. Phil wants to start dating other people but he doesn’t know how to properly approach them. With Dan it had been so easy. They had just gotten drunk and fallen in love under the stars. But other people weren’t Dan. Other people wanted dates and romance and true, undesired _love._ Phil wasn’t sure if he’d be able to give anyone this much. He wanted to, though. So he asked a pretty girl named Alex out on a date. She was beautiful and friendly and didn’t seem to want too much. Phil tried not to compare her to Dan but it was hard because Dan had, once upon a time, been his whole entire world. And then had destroyed his whole entire world, in the space of only a few years. Dan, on the the other hand, didn’t want to date. He wasn’t interested in the slightest. He was alone and lonely and isolated but it didn’t bother him like it would bother other people. He stopped going to therapy and stopped taking his meds, crossing his fingers that he’d be able to deal with his mind by himself.

 

_vii._

 

They’re twenty-four and twenty-seven. Dan decides that he wouldn’t hate it if he died and Phil decides that he’s in love with Alex.

 

_viii._

 

They’re twenty-five and twenty-eight. Dan’s been in the hospital three times, each time a result of a different suicide attempt. His parents are cared to leave him alone and his boss has fired him and he has no money left. Phil thinks that he’s happy. But he’s not sure. Alex wants to get married but Phil doesn’t want the commitment that comes with engagement or marriage. She tells him that they either get married or break up. He doesn’t see her after that. Doesn’t want to see her, either. His business is growing and he has enough money to move back to London. His life is together, for the most part.

 

 

_x._

 

They’re twenty-seven and thirty. Phil’s standing in front of Dan in the line at the supermarket. Dan wants to quietly shuffle away but an old lady has already lined up behind him and he’s too awkward to ask her to move. It’s the first time he’s seen Phil in what seems like a million years, and it’s only the back of his head. He shouldn’t be able to recognise him but he does. The old lady behind Dan asks him to move forewards a bit. He apologises and does so. His voice is what catches Phil’s attention, making him spin around, his cold blue eyes met with Dan’s softer brown ones. Neither of them can breath.

 

_xi._

 

They’re twenty-eight and thirty-one. Dan’s sitting on the Phil’s couch, buffy the vampire slayer playing on the T.V. Phil’s asleep, his head resting on Dan’s shoulder. He’s snoring ever so slightly and Dan thinks that he’s cute. He shouldn’t be thinking that because they’re supposed to just be friends but he can’t stop himself because it’s true. He wraps an arm around Phil’s shoulder and squeezes him in a light half-hug. Subconsciously, in his sleep, Phil moves closer to Dan. they’re practically cuddling but Dan doesn’t pull away.

 

_xii._

 

They’re twenty-nine and thirty-two. Dan has been going to therapy regularly, and is back on meds. He’s started working again, instead of just relying on his parents to hold him up. Phil’s supportive as ever, letting Dan stay at his house and work part-time at his bookshop. He doesn’t mind, he enjoys the company of his friend. It’s new years and five seconds until midnight. They’re at a party. A quiet one, so unlike the one that they met at. Phil is sitting next to Dan on the sofa. Their eyes meet and Dan doesn’t think that it’d be so bad if he had to kiss Phil at midnight. It’s four seconds until 2019 and Phil knows that he wants to kiss Dan. It’s three seconds until midnight and Dan reaches for Phil’s hand, tangling their fingers together. It’s two seconds until the new year and Phil’s eyes are flitting between Dan’s eyes and Dan’s lips, asking a silent question. It’s one second until 2019 and they’re smiling, because they’re happy. It’s midnight and they’re kissing.

 

_xiii._

 

They’re thirty-five and thirty-seven. Dan’s happy. Phil’s happy. Together, they’re happy. Dan’s asking Phil if he wants to spend the rest of their lives together, and Phil says yes easily, without a second’s thought. Dan’s sliding the engagement ring onto Phil’s finger and they’re hugging, holding each other up in the cold outdoor’s winter air.

 

_xiv._

 

They’re thirty-six and thirty-nine. Matching rings on their hands. They’re tangled up together in bed, Phil’s breath tickling the back of Dan’s neck. Neither of them want to ever move. It’s comfortable, the post-sex cuddles. The radio is softly playing some ed sheeran song, but they’re not listening to it. They’re listening to their own heartbeats, in sync.

 

_xiv._

 

They’re thirty-seven and forty. Dan’s whispering an ‘I love you.’ Phil’s leaning forewards, letting their breaths mix for a split second before pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Dan’s mouth. His hands are up Dan’s shirt and Dan’s hands are on Phil’s neck. Phil’s murmuring an ‘I Love you, too.’ against Dan’s pale skin, kissing over the red flowers left there from the previous night.

  
_xv._

 

They’re forty and forty-three. They’re in love. They’re happy. They’re safe and secure. But most of all, they’re together, dancing in the stars forever.

 

 

 

 

 

  


 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> yikes i didnt cry at all while writing this obviously.


End file.
